- Play The “Happy Game”. Don’t deal with depression, frustration or other emotions. Don’t cultivate a support network to which you actually can go to for support. And if you already happen to have a support network, don’t let them know how they can help you… make ’em guess.
- Channel the St. Louis Rams with their .125 Win percentage this past season. Have as few goals as possible.
- Believe Your Resume Is “Where It’s At”. Embrace Resume Paralysis. Don’t bother to tailor it to every job you apply for.
- Become One With Your Laptop. Spend the majority of your time at home, behind the screen.
- Nurture Your Inner Child. Be helpless. Focus on yourself and your own needs – don’t worry about what any perspective employer would want from you.Do the bare minimum to get by.
- Become An “Island”. Avoid meeting people. Don’t even think about going to a networking meeting where you don’t already know someone.
- Discount Your Contacts – Even Better, Annoy Them! Don’t bother to follow-up every lead that someone gives you. Don’t bother to write thank you notes to people who help you. After all, you are entitled to all the help someone can give to you, right?!
- Avoid Non-Traditional Paths. Pass up contract and temp work, and don’t even think about just taking on a project to keep you skills up to date.
- Talk Until They Drop. Don’t bother to listen to what people are asking you – just hammer away at your own canned message. Be as vague and ambiguous as possible – that way no one can pin you down to anything specific.
- Believe In Your Heart That Your Next Job Is Forever. Stop networking as soon as you land.
I’ve seen various forms of this list floating around on the internet, but I don’t know the original authorship. I have added some of my own comments throughout.
If any of these suggestions are ways that you are actually conducting your jobhunt, you need a jobhunter coach! If you mention this article when you sign up for three hours of my coaching service between today and March 31, 2012 I’ll throw in a 4th hour absolutely free! This offer is valid for new clients only.